So, yes, I haven’t published a post for over a year. That is a sad and a disappointing, yet an undeniable fact.
I have, however, published a very long post in two parts last August, but I’ve decided to delete it, just as I did with another one of my older posts. The reason for this is mainly the fact that both posts were extremely personal and contained many details about my life, as well as lives of people that surround me. Although I am aware that in order to be a good writer you do need to share and to get personal at times, I also believe my posts should not make me feel uncomfortable, just as they should not make the people from my life angry or judged. So I’m starting this new year with a new agenda: trying to find the balance between sharing enough to make every statement and experience sound true, but also to maintain a balance between not sharing enough and sharing too much of the bad stuff.
Moving on. Last year I realized two things about myself: 1) I consider and have always considered myself a writer, 2) I NEVER write anymore, at all.
I’ve considered myself a writer from a very young age, just as I mentioned in my introduction post. I think it’s who I am, what I’m good at and that nothing would make my happier than dedicating many, many hours every day to writing and earning at least some money while doing it. Still, I noticed that as the days, weeks, months and years go by, I write less and less, despite my proclaimed love for the process.
I believed that would change if I moved from my previous job in corporate environment to a less all-consuming teaching position. However, it turned out that teaching positions are demanding as well. The good thing about it is that you get to work from home, but the bad thing is, guess what – you have to work from home. Meaning you don’t have so much time to do some other things while being at home. Still, ultimately it comes down to the fact that all of that is just a bunch of excuses. Nobody has the time for anything these days, all of us are working very hard and are under a lot of stress most of the time, but there are still people who, somehow, make it work. They sacrifice their free time and some of their activities and they force themselves to do the things that are important to them. Like writing. So why is it not working for me? Could it simply mean that I actually don’t like writing so much?
The answer is – no. I do like writing just as much as the next writer. My problem is different. It’s perfectionism.
As INFJ, one of the rarest Myers-Briggs personality types, I’ve always struggled with laziness. It’s not a regular laziness that occurs when you have to do something you’re just not motivated enough to do; it’s a procrastinating kind of laziness. I often feel the urge to write and I schedule writing on a daily bases, but I give up on the process for thinking I’m not ready for it. I don’t have enough time, I haven’t prepared for the subject enough, my text on it would be vague and unoriginal, I have nothing new to say. I ought to read many, many online articles and blog posts written by others, see multiple YouTube videos about the matter in order to be informed, but not to be repetitive and to be able to quote them. So, since the preparation process would take up so much time and effort, I never actually start it; and since I never feel confident or prepared or ready enough, never actually start the writing itself.
Considering all of this hasn’t really worked out for me so far, I realized I needed to change my approach. I should write about my opinions, my impressions, my feelings. It’s nice to be prepared to talk about a topic you want to elaborate, but my goal is writing blog posts, not scientific texts about pop culture. It doesn’t have to be as elaborated as my university thesis.
So, apart from ‘writing more’ in general, my goal for the 2020 is to work on my perfectionism to avoid it holding me back from the things I want to do. Starting today.
Until mid-February I’m going to publish a post about my favorite sitcom and I intend to start preparing the one about a real-life issue I’ve been thinking about for a couple of months now. Fingers crossed!
The Typewriter Lady 
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